Adventures of Cameron & Emma in Buenos Aires

These were some of the introductory words muttered by a 57-year-old Australian woman we encountered at a recent “young” expat function at a bar in Las Canitas. We should have realized that she was a little smothering when the man we had been talking to immediately turned around and left when she joined our conversation. Some of the highlights of the conversation (all on her end) included:

- “I hate tourists. I hate them so much. The other day, I was standing on a bridge looking at the lakes of Palermo and a whole group of them came over and tried to invade my space. So I didn’t move. I had my back to them and they were surrounding me and I still held my ground. After five minutes I realized that they were trying to take a group photo and I was in the middle of it with my back to the camera, so I finally left.”

- “This wine is terrible. It’s so overpriced, and I only ever have one glass.” we were later enlightened to the fact that she shows up to every event, says she is going to only have one glass and negotiates to pay only 5 pesos- 15 pesos is unlimited- and then proceeds to consume multiple glasses. She also said it was only her second time at the expat function, however, we were later informed that she comes to every event.

- “The food is so expensive at this restaurant. It is so overpriced because of all these tourists. I am going to go home and make a salad. It is much cheaper.”Five seconds later, the waitress comes up and informs her of a 20 peso special on gnocchi- although she can’t understand a word of what the waitress is saying- Cam translates, and she orders the most expensive item on the menu.

Later…

- “You can either live cheaply or live well.”

- “My spanish school here is ripping me off. They only gave me a 50% tuition scholarship, while the others that teach english have a full scholarship. They may be full-time English teachers there, but I am a substitute, and I am going to stay here forever. Well, at least that’s what I’m going to tell them, they don’t know the difference. They’re getting the better treatment and I deserve the better treatment.”

At this point, Cam excuses herself from the conversation and Emma remains stuck with her in the corner.

- “Back in Australia, I was a nurse. I hate the medical profession and everyone in it. I have been a nurse for 40 years, but I’m just not the nursing type.”

- “One reason I left Australia is that my son is marrying a bitch. The other is that all my married friends are boring me and they keep going on about their husbands. you can only be friends with someone for so long without getting bored.”

At this point, Cam sends someone over to rescue Emma from the situation. The next time we see her, she is enjoying her gnocci and staring at Emma outside.